The Socratic Paradox

A lot has changed since I last blogged! One of my first posts was about eating clean and getting lean.  I would never have thought it would've taken around 2 years to get to this point, that is the 'get lean, eat so clean I don't eat a thing' part. It's funny the way things work themselves out. When I was younger I used to dream about a lot of things; and being skinny was one of them. I was already clever, articulate and creative, so all I ever wanted was to be rich, pretty and adored. It sounds stupid but these were just the stuff of my lucid daydreams. I wanted to be able to go away to any paradise, be accepted by people I would never usually brush shoulders with and instead I felt so confined.  I was involved in a lot of situations that I couldn't control growing up and I thought that as I got older  the things I used to worry about would vanish, but they only seemed to have worked themselves out in exchange for other worries. For example, now I look about half the size I did when I first started this blog. I lost weight and I lost my way.

I became obsessed with Carl Sagan, Quantum Physics &
Became Well Versed in The Expansive Universe

Sometimes we look for possible solutions in all the things we encounter. We look for reasons within

the incomprehensible. We try to fix things that aren't broken and end up breaking them. I used to (and still do) spend hours of sleeplessness nights searching for answers to questions I didn't really understand. I didn't even know why I was asking them in the first place, I just felt compelled to. It became an obsession, I couldn't rest until I knew what it meant for Mercury to be in Retrograde. I couldn't sleep until I understood what Descartes meant, and what that meant for me. Where did I fit in all this? Was I made up of atoms? How could I raise my vibration? What was the law of attraction? I reached a stage where I had all the answers and never before had I felt so stuck, confused and dumbfounded. I started asking questions that didn't have definitive answers like, was any of it real? and Should I be afraid? I had a formula for success and I kept failing. I had the recipe for happiness and got burnt out by stress and anxiety. It seemed every time I found the answer, the question would change, there was something new to consider, another person, another circumstance, something that I needed to consolidate into the equation. Sooner or later, I ran out of words. I felt cheated, that I had cheated myself and let others cheat me too.

Mercury goes into Retrograde 3 times a year &
will have you in your deepest feelings!

Then in a moment of pure divine intervention, I lost touch with what was real and what was imagined by just letting go and unlearning all the answers I had come to know. Let go of everything you think you know, because someone out there will teach you how to be wrong. And if you're wrong and strong it will be the hardest lesson you will ever learn. And don't ask 'why?' because the hardest part is unlearning the question.

I never realised the extent to which I had locked myself within The Socratic Paradox "I know that I know nothing". I felt absolutely cheated when I realised that everything I knew meant nothing if I didn't know who I was, or what I was going to do with myself, day in day out. This immortality of knowledge felt burdensome, I knew everything yet I knew nothing because I didn't know what to do with it. Then I heard Kendrick's song 'Momma' again and it all made sense..

Kendrick Lamar's 'Momma' Lyrics 

Music has always had the ability to free me from the confinement of my mind, to offer me perspective. It enables you to step outside your mind and mode of thinking to understand the mechanisms of thought and how you can pimp it to your own ability and reanalyse everything.

Kendrick Lamar's 'Mortal Man' Lyrics &
What It Means To Pimp A Butterfly

Kendrick taught me that you can become entrenched by your own mind, but only you can free yourself. Rings a bell, "Emancipate yourself from mental slavery" right? Its a message that is repeated time and time again. You have to get lost to find yourself. So when its time, let go of your answers (Ignorance) and your questions (Fear) and just be (Love).

This post was inspired by everyone who has recently mentioned my blog to me, thank you for encouraging me to speak my thoughts into existence again..

Have you got any songs that have enlightened you? Or any funny stories about what happened to you in Mercury Retrograde? Share in the comments or drop me a message! x